Kshanti Paramita

Good morning everyone. Today I want to talk about kshanti paramita, usually translated as patience or forbearance. I don't think that I've mentioned yet which paramita is the most important one. It seems to me it must be patience: kshanti paramita. If you just think about it a little I'm sure you'll agree. Without patience we wouldn't be able to continue our practice. None of the other practices would be much good if we just tried them once and then dropped them when we got bored or frightened or irritated. Patience keeps us on track. Patience lets us develop the mindfulness that we need to see when our motivations are pure and our actions are skillful.

But sometimes patience also has a kind of bad name. When black people in the United States started demanding justice, they were often told “Just be patient.” When women merely point out the inequities and injustices that they are subjected to every day, again the common response is “Rome wasn't built in a day. Just be patient.” Responses like that, and they are common responses, aren't what the Buddhist teachings are talking about. Responses like that don't speak of the practice of patience but rather of the perversion of it. Patience does not mean give up the struggle, patience means continue with it in the face of the many obstacles and difficulties that will arrive. I think the kind of patience that we are talking about includes elements of forbearance, but also perseverance and constancy.

In the 8th century the great Indian sage Shantideva wrote Bodhisattvacharyavatara – A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life. It is a wonderful book about bodhicitta – the aspiration to practice the Bodhisattva Way – and about the six paramitas as practices that both come from and sustain it. In this book kshanti paramita is praised as the antidote to anger. Shantideva points out the many sufferings that result from anger and says that the way to avert all this suffering is to practice tolerance and patience. I think he recognizes that in the midst of full blown anger, patience, like good sense can be hard to find. In the grip of that kind of anger, patience just doesn't seem available. And so Shantideva says that we should train in the practice of patience with small things. Learning how to practice patience with small inconveniences helps us to develop the skill to be patient with greater frustrations.

There is nothing whatsoever
That is no made easier through acquaintance.
So through becoming acquainted with small harms,
I should learn to patiently accept greater harms.

As true as this is, I don't think it's the most important way to benefit from the practice of patience. Shantideva says,

Having found its fuel of mental unhappiness
In the prevention of what I wish for,
And in doing what I do not want,
Hatred increases and then destroys me.

Therefore I should totally eradicate
The fuel of this enemy;
For this enemy has no other function
Than that of causing me harm.

Our frustrations are the nutrients for hatred and anger. If we can practice mindfulness and patience with these frustrations, we can deprive anger of its fuel. If we don't do that and instead fuel our anger with hatred and justification and thoughts of revenge, those emotions come to control us. There are actual scientific studies that show that anger reduces intelligence and the ability to make good decisions. I bet that doesn't surprise you. Shantideva recognized this saying,

Whatever befalls me
I shall not disturb my mental joy;
For having been made unhappy, I shall not accomplish what I wish,
And my virtues will decline.

Then in a famous verse he underlines the uselessness of anger in a verse that reminds me of the AA serenity prayer,

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Shantideva's verse is:

Why be unhappy about something
If it can be remedied?
And what is the use of being unhappy about something
If it cannot be remedied?

So an important place for us to learn to practice patience is with the things that frustrate us. And it's a good idea to start small. I'd like to do a short meditation right now to help us to look at something that might help us with this. Lets just sit up straight where we are right now in a meditation posture. Back straight, chin tucked in a little, feel your in-breaths flow right down to the bottom of your belly and then just let that sensation vanish on the outbreath.

Now take a moment to check in with yourself. Is there tension anywhere in your body? Shoulders, hands, mouth, face, belly? Maybe there's tension in the quality of your thoughts or your listening. If there is any, talk to it kindly as if it were a person. Say to it, I feel your presence. Maybe you have something to say to me. I promise to come back to you, I won't forget, but for now just relax. Take a minute and see if that's any different.
Take a little mental photograph of how you feel right now. I'll ask you to recall this later.
Now let's think of a frustrating experience. I'll make one up. Let's say that you have a meeting with an old friend that you haven't seen in a long time. You really want to see them, but just as you're leaving you accidentally kick over a can of paint. Now you have to clean up the mess and change your clothes. You'll be late. You might not even make it at all. There's no way to contact your friend.
How do you feel this? Is there some new tension in your body? In the quality of your thoughts? Do you feel like blaming someone, “Who left the paint there?” “I should have paid more attention...” “Why doesn't my friend have a cell phone?”
Now somehow, as if by magic, the issue that was frustrating you is quickly resolved. Another friend comes by, gives you clean clothes and shoes and says, “You go meet your friend. I'll clean this up.” How does this feel? Does the tension that you just felt go away? Does it go quickly or does it linger a while? Do you feel the same way about things as you did before the frustrating incident?
Thank you

Trying to avoid frustration is a nice idea, but it just doesn't work. Sooner or later, frustration will arise in everyone's life. We already have experience with trying to avoid this. Getting angry and looking for someone to blame can become habits even though they don't seem to solve anything. As with so many things, the best way to deal with frustration is to get closer to it and become more familiar with it. We allow ourselves to notice how the frustration feels so that we can apply mindfulness and avoid reacting impulsively. In time we can learn new habits.

That little experiment was loosely based on the Sutra on the Four Foundations of Mindfulness. That sutra suggests a series of mindfulness practices.

Pay attention to how if feels when the problem is present.
Pay attention to how if feels when the problem is absent.
Pay attention to how if feels when the problem is arising.
Pay attention to how if feels when the problem is disappearing.
Realize that you can be free of its control over you.

The fifth of these is very interesting and I think also key to the practice of kshanti paramita. As we develop our ability to practice kshanti, we develop our ability to trust, to have faith, that whatever happens, we can work with it. Whatever happens we can face it, we can bear it, we can do our best to do what is called for. And having done that, we can be content that we didn't miss anything. There might not be a quick fix, there almost never is, but we can have faith that perseverance and constancy are the wise path and that anger and blame just aren't useful.

Perseverance and constancy aren't the same thing as a stubborn refusal to change when change is called for. Perseverance and constancy mean that we stay close to our experience and listen to what it has to say to us rather than “sticking to our guns” no matter what. So patience is not passive, but it allows for reflection. It's not reactive, but it allows for responsiveness. Patience supports all the other paramitas and it is in turn supported by them. And patience seems to be in short supply in our world. Fast food, quick fix, take this, try that, do anything to avoid the actual situation. Don't wait for anything.

Thich Nhat Hanh doesn't feel that patience and forbearance are really the right words for Kshanti. He prefers inclusiveness. At first this seems to be completely different from patience. How can the two words be related at all? He says that inclusiveness is the capacity to receive, embrace and transform.

When we practice inclusiveness, we don't have to suffer or forbear, even when we have to embrace suffering and injustice. The other person says or does something that makes us angry. He inflicts on us some kind of injustice. But if our heart is large enough, we don't suffer.

Last week I talked about some advice that the Buddha gave to Rahula when he was only about 7 years old. Now, to illustrate kshanti paramita, I'd like to talk about another sutra where the Buddha gives advice to his son Rahula. This time Rahula is older, about 18. The Buddha tells his son to develop meditation in tune with the five properties. The properties he is referring to are earth, water, fire, wind and space. In the case of the earth property he says,

Rahula, develop the meditation in tune with earth. For when you are developing the meditation in tune with earth, agreeable & disagreeable sensory impressions that have arisen will not stay in charge of your mind. Just as when people throw what is clean or unclean on the earth — feces, urine, saliva, pus, or blood — the earth is not horrified, humiliated, or disgusted by it; in the same way, when you are developing the meditation in tune with earth, agreeable & disagreeable sensory impressions that have arisen will not stay in charge of your mind.

He repeats similar advice for the other four properties. Water is not bothered by the things we put in it, flames don't care what they burn, wind blows everywhere, space holds everything...

This reminds me a lot of a saying of Rumi, the great Sufi teacher. He said,

In generosity and helping others, be like a river.
In compassion and grace, be like the sun.
In concealing the faults of others, be like the night.
In anger and fury, be like the dead.
In modesty and humility, be like the earth.
In tolerance, be like the sea.
Either appear as you are, or be as you appear.

The last line of this is a little difficult. I think what it is trying to express is that we should behave as the person we truly are. Our behaviour should match our thoughts and intentions. So Rumi says, “If your behaviour doesn't match your thoughts and intentions, then make your thoughts and intentions match your behaviour. Something like that.

I like that line, but the reason I brought that saying into this talk is the way that Rumi brings in properties of the natural environment as guidelines for our practice. The example is that we can use the immense inclusiveness of nature to guide us to an inclusiveness that goes way beyond mere patience and forbearance. This is the realm where kshanti becomes kshanti paramita, patience, forbearance or whatever you choose to call it, that goes way beyond limited conceptions.

Thank you for listening.

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The Six Paramitas

Kshanti Paramita